I mustache you a question.

Notes: 4 / 3 weeks ago

Rebuild

CAUTION: It’s now 3am and I just wrote this and I haven’t reread it so I have no idea what things it may contain.

run-on

I just want to be done with finals, and then play with oil pastels all winter break and try out charcoal without having it be an assignment, and I want buy presents for everyone this Christmas, and I want to watch movies and be lazy and hang out with friends that I didn’t have time to see over Thanksgiving break, and sing karaoke with them, and have sleepovers and nice long talks about nothing, and tie-dye shoes, and make shirts, and learn how to knit hats, and make ice cream and drink hot chocolate, and write about everything I have been wanting to write about, and take pictures, and hang out with family, and make smoothies and chicken nuggets, and make popcorn, and make movies, and have dance parties and pull all-nighters, and go sledding down Nippo Lake.

that awkward moment

when you’re in the library and you see the girl (now clothed) who modeled for your drawing class last week.

2 months ago

brought my grade up to a C- in nutrition!

WIN

2 months ago

emailing Mr.Bridges.

Notes: 2 / 2 months ago

Remember to remember

Today, four years ago, we said goodbye to Anne.

I think it was one of those moments that made me feel like everything in life was on pause. As if that tragedy was something that wasn’t meant to last forever, and soon enough someone would press the play button again and everything would be back to normal. Because the first time I heard the news, I just didn’t know what to do. Unfamiliar emotions left and right. What are you supposed to do when you find out that your friend unexpectedly passes away at age 14? YOU JUST DON’T KNOW. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react, and I remember that after complete confusion came complete frustration. I remember thinking how unfair it was, for Anne and for everyone else.

Like, she was just starting her Freshmen year of high school like the rest of her peers and then out of nowhere, something happens and no one sees her again. Man I was so upset.

After being upset, I started reminiscing on everything and being filled with complete sadness. Tear after tear came down for two consecutive nights about a week after her funeral. I realized how much I would miss her carrying around that smile and bubbly spirit of hers wherever she went. Man, it was so contagious, you know?

—

A few months passed by and I finally let the situation settle. I could finally sort out all of the thoughts I had in my head, and actually think about them. I realized that this big tragic shocker was something that sort of united everyone in Dover High’s Class of 2011. We all grew stronger in a way, and it brought us together. It taught us to live every moment with all that we’ve got, and that tomorrow is never certain.

I thought I had already grasped this life lesson, but then of course, it just recently hit me in the head again a little over a month ago, through the passing of a very great man, Paul Zalewski.

There are not enough words to describe how influential he was. He was a dad who actually cared about his wife, two little boys, and oldest daughter who is only in her second year of college. Yet he unexpectedly suffered for over 100 days in the ICU preceding his death while his wife was putting in 110% of all the efforts she had to be beside her husband at all times, only to see him go; it isn’t fair. But I guess this was just another reminder that we really can’t depend on tomorrow. Even if we don’t want to, we live in the mindset expecting that everything and everyone will there in the morning. But the reality is that nothing is guaranteed, ever.

When I was doodling with Anne before first period started, I didn’t know that I would never see her again after that first bell rang. And when I was standing outside the Strand that Sunday morning, joking around about that mannequin arm Paul was playing with, I didn’t know that he would be under critical condition by the next week.

We can’t depend on tomorrow, or next week, or next year, to do anything. Now is what we have, and I’ve learned that we should embrace it. All of it. No matter what. It’s crazy how much I’ve learned from these two people. Therefore, of all the things that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the people whose lives had great impact and whose deaths have taught me powerful principles.

Thanks, Anne and Paul. Rest easy. <3

Notes: 2 / 2 months ago

Sometimes I wonder if all we are is just a compilation of other people.